Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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