trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
