Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
