haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
