I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
