You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
