Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
