sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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