Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize