Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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