Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
