She's JV to your varsity
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I love having hate sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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