I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"it" just moved
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
