Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
