she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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