That's intense
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize