that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love having hate sex.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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