I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
