census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
