She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sex in a hospital.. check
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
