google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
did i walk over a car last night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
