dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
