then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
