Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
