hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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