Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
