Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
