I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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