i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am puke
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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