I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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