Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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