hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
