I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
