Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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