Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
