The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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