Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
