Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
