Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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