i barfeds in our rink
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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