im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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