If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
