i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
