Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
