So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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