I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
