While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My ass is underappreciated
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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