party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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