She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
