woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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