Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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