I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
