went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
