he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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