i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize