i barfeds in our rink
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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