I puked a lego.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
