you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
