I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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