idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
