that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
