i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
