if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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