I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
