Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
