good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
