If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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