she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
