I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
