I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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