tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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