My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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