69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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