Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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