i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
