they need to just BURY HIM!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
