I'd wear matching sweaters with you
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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