I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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